He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
