the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
