He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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