well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
