i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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