Having a random hookup so left but love u
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
