he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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