Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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