my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
