Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
