so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
