Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
