every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
