wat bout pragnant strippers??
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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