i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
