I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
