Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
