Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
