Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
