im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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