my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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