if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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