I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Couch. On fire.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
