I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
