I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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