Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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