I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
