That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
