I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize