Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I need to stop coming to work sober
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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