I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
