So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
