Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize