at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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