I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
