ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
