I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
home. puking in laundry basket.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
