i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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