She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
this will be a night to untag.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
