Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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