I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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