Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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