my phone needs a breathalizer
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
