So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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