Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
