What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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