Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
