ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
