you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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