I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
