Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
