He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Randomize
