Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
