help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
