My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
