i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
