i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
she told me i tasted like america
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
