first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
