I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
