from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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