Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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