It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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