Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
