what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
