i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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