If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
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