Please, let me fuck your mom
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
do nipples grow back?
Randomize