Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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